Managing Expectations

Loud Noise

We live in a world where expectations are placed on us by others in addition to the expectations we place on ourselves. Let’s be clear — expectations can be great. They help us remain diligent. They help us develop accountability. They help us reach our goals. And, they help us grow to maximize our potential as human beings. Expectations can be great — specifically when we place expectations on ourselves or the people we value place expectations on us. This is healthy and pertinent to our growth as human beings.

Expectations can also be very overwhelming. Especially when these opinions and voices are from people outside of your well-respected and trustworthy circle of confidants. The intersection of unwanted expectations and lack of trust lies in what many people label as “noise.” Noise is a distraction that appears in the form of opinions, remarks and/or negative comments by others as an attempt to derail or discourage an individual from reaching success. Some may experience more noise; others may experience less noise. But, the common denominator is that unwelcomed noise will always be present and infiltrate each person’s mind to a certain extent.

I’ve had the honor of interacting and learning from remarkable leadership figures. Just a few of these profound leaders include: Lynn Shackleford, Sue Enquist, Valorie Kondos Field, Margueritte Aozasa, Jill Ellis, and Alex Rodriguez (Arod). These transformational leaders opened my eyes in a variety of ways. And, all of my writings stem from the lessons I’ve learned throughout my athletic and academic journeys — with special regard to the teachings from these specific leaders. But the one question left unanswered after my interactions with these monumental leaders was how to truly “tune out the noise.” Sure, we can say “just get off social media” or “ignore the haters” or “just don’t let your secretary tell you about the negative comments.” But the reality is that this is only temporary. Eventually you will hear these negative comments and unsolicited expectations. It will infect your personal, sacred thoughts. We are human. It is natural. It is inevitable.

E.I.

Noise will affect each person to some degree — the range will just vary between individuals. So, how do we eliminate it? Or, at the minimum, how do we suppress it?

What I’ve discovered is that eliminating the noise is actually impossible. Impossible. Why? Because you cannot control external factors. You cannot control the actions or words of others. However, you can control your internalization and reaction to the noise. So, what’s the solution?

Emotional Independence.

I define Emotional Independence (E.I.) as the following: The ability to separate your emotions, feelings, or mood from others.

Emotional Independence allows you to hear these comments while preventing them from staying with you beyond the interaction. E.I. allows you to bounce back to your neutral state more quickly after hearing a negative remark. It creates psychological freedom, peace and independence from others.

This all sounds great! But how exactly do you strengthen the muscle of Emotional Independence? The key is to increase your levels of gratitude, happiness and optimism. By doing so, it suppresses the effects of the emotional amygdala and allows the prefrontal cortex to use its logic and rationality.

I discuss the topic of Emotional Independence and the corresponding activities to develop Emotional Independence in my upcoming book, Emotional Independence: Free Your Self. The book highlights my journey to discovering my need for Emotional Independence and how my relationships and personal peace of mind have been positively impacted by this discovery. Until then, check back for my most recent blog posts which have transitioned to monthly rather than bi-weekly.

How do you manage expectations from others? What do you do to tune out the ‘noise’? Let me know your thoughts! You can email me at bella@bellabaia.co 

Thanks for reading! :)