Fear of Failure

The F-Word

Failure. The most discouraging, uncomfortable and heartbreaking F-word. Failure. Failure means that you’ve lost, right? Or, does it mean that you have been defeated? Failing elicits deep emotions, ranging from hopelessness and desperation to regret. Failure can also be a very disappointing moment in time. But, is failure truly what most people are afraid of? 

My personal opinion: No. 

But before we dig deeper — let’s first take a look at the definition of failure…

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines Failure as “lack of success.” But, what is success? Is success winning on the scoreboard or is success putting in your best effort? (John Wooden reference again). In my eyes, I feel the most content when I know I’ve put in my best effort in each of my activities. For example, I sprinted my fastest on defense to prevent a goal. Or, I studied numerous hours for my exam and even went to office hours to ask for help. These are controllable actions that indicate I put in my best effort to prepare myself for the big moment. So, when the big moment arrives, even if I lose on the scoreboard or perform poorly on an exam, I can feel a sense of peace and contentment knowing that I prepared to the best of my ability. 

And, by default, if I did indeed put in my full effort before and during the event…if I truly tried my best…then I believe that I reached success. I did not fail.

Thank you, dictionary! Thank you, John Wooden!

Fear of Failure or Fear of...?

The athletes I coach and my former teammates that I interact with are afraid of many different components that are associated with failure. These fears include:

• Fear of not being good enough

• Fear of feeling embarrassed 

• Fear of letting people down 

I feel all of these fears, too. I feel them deeply. It is important to label our feelings as they are, rather than disregarding them and concealing them under the umbrella of “Failure.” For example, I was nervous to compete against the USC Trojans during the NCAA Championship game in 2021. I wasn’t afraid of failure. I wasn’t afraid to lose. I was afraid of disappointment. I was afraid of letting down the people that I deeply value and respect. I was afraid of not performing at my best.

We all have different fears. The one fear that challenges me the most in life is the following:  

The fear of not trying.

The fear of not trying keeps my competitive spirit sharp and it motivates me to put forth my best effort in all my personal endeavors. It doesn’t guarantee triumph, but it definitely prevents me from failing. By articulating and labeling each of my fears, it allows me to work every day to minimize their power.

It is important to be very intentional and specific in identifying our definition of failure. By articulating our feelings, it allows for rational thought. Most importantly, it allows people to develop honest self-reflection and gain more self-awareness. It is through thought and reflection that people can learn from each moment and ultimately become better. 

The Domino Effect

There are a wide variety of fears that occupy the mind. But, the generalized statement ‘fear of failure’ camouflages a multitude of fears. It is important for each person to articulate their fears, so that they are able to address their insecurities with clear intention and direction. I have noticed that when I, or my former teammates, claim to have ‘fear of failure,’ we are actually just covering up our insecurities. If people don’t address their fears at the base level, then each fear begins to compound and forms a chain reaction. It becomes a domino effect.

Let me further explain.

Many athletes struggle with meeting the expectations of their coaches, teammates, family members, fans, etc. Some players will go as far as to conceal their true athletic ability. When challenged by a perceived superior player, they may choose to recoil from the challenge and withhold putting forth their best effort. They may use the excuse “I didn’t even try” or “I was going easy” to cover up their shortcomings. Sadly, these artificial reasonings and excuses are very temporary. It is like a band aid. It may cover up the current wound, but it does not resolve the underlying issue. In fact, making an excuse or wearing a bandage does not treat the infection that may be festering underneath. If a person does not address the real contagion, it will just spread and become more significant. Additionally, if a player fails to authentically address the fact that they are not as good as their competition then they won’t absorb the information that allows them to challenge themselves to get better. And, if that player does not continue to get better, they will fall even further behind their competition, resulting in even deeper insecurities.

It is a domino effect. 

To avoid the cumulative effect, people must precisely define their fears, so that they can grow from each event.  

The Conclusion

We are all human. We will fail. We will fail thousands of times. That is just the reality of life.  

In particular, athletes will fall short of their goals numerous times every single practice and game. They will struggle and lose significantly more than they will win. But they must face their fears and push through. Athletes will not be successful when playing timidly or with hesitance. They must be comfortable being uncomfortable. And, that is how they get better. 

I know I’m going to fail. I know I’m going to fail many times. I can’t control whether I win on the scoreboard. And, that’s ok. However, I am the only one who can create my own peace of mind through controlling my effort. 

I am not afraid to fail. I am afraid of not trying. 

We all have fears. It’s normal. It’s natural. It’s authentic. But we must not generalize these fears. We must accurately pinpoint our insecurities. This will allow opportunity for personal growth and ultimately generate peace of mind and self-satisfaction. 

We aren’t afraid of failure. We are afraid of the insecurities associated with failure.

How do you define ‘failure?’ What are your biggest fears associated with ‘failure?’ How do you judge your success after ‘failing?’ Let me know your thoughts! You can email me at: Bella@bellabaia.co 

Thanks for reading! :)

Citation: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/failure